Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize