I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
