Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
