no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
