remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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