absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
