She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
