What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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