I hate your face
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
