i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
