these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
