Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
