I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
