He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
