Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's get the cat blown out
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
