we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
