Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
