I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
