i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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