he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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