You can't motorboat a personality
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
