dude i'm inner monologue high
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I touched a dick in church today
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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