Sry I called you an 8
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
