MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
