Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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