...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
