I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
