I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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