they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
