You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
