Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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