I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
