I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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