please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize