I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
