loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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