I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
