We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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