my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
