Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
