It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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