Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
