Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
