4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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