I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
