I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize