90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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