you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
