How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
