I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
