That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Green mimosas i think yes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
