I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
