So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
