She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize