I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
