You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
