i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
