69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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