Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
