She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
