I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
