Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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