everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize