How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize