I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
pray to the hookup gods
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
