Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
