and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
