it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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