dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
