I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
