Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
