whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
