It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
where does the pee come out of this thing
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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