Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
