my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
