Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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