TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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