The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
