Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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