The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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