remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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